commentary, collusion, content
survivor2 sites that don't suck
survivoroutback's week in review
cbs.com's official survivor 2 site
[ Tuesday, March 6, 2001 - 06:06 p.m. ]
i've decided to stop updating this site. i'm still watching (and loving) the show, but it's not worth it for me to keep this site up-to-date. nobody is reading it.
sorry. email me or visit me in person if you want to gossip about survivor episodes.
salon posts an article about episode 4 of survivor. once again, i find it a bit lacking.
who is ready for the rudy boesch action figure? i don't think i am.
if they made an elisabeth filarski doll, they would sell millions.
or, here's a thought: the michael "pig-killer" action figure! with realistic pig blood that you can smear on your cheeks just like michael did! baby pig not included.
or, how about the jerri "EZ bitch" playset.
today's update will be entirely in the form of quotes.
keith: "i didn't come out here to be pushed around by a bartender wannabe actress."
michael: "do you need any tools to kill the chicken?"
colby: "i will put pork on the plate before i leave this place."
michael, in the midst of stabbing a pig with his knife: "life is just a funny little blending of experiences, and this is just one of them."
tina, voting off mitchell: "i didn't come out here.....to keep the weakest person."
jerri, to colby: "it's not like you're making a deal with the devil!"
colby, to jerri: "make me a deal."
read salon's capsule of episode 3. joyce millman hasn't written these lately. they're not as good.
we begin this week with a close-up on kucha's resident lunatic, michael. donned in war paint (again), he stares deeply into the camera and announces "i am very determined to get a pig. i'm gonna ambush one." we don't see much of him in this episode, but the previews for next week promise some real bloody action. if only they had a conch.
in my cuckoo-for-cocopuffs scorebook, michael has officially attained cereal-box cartoon icon status: well-meaning but criminaly insane. i wonder if he read heart of darkness. and understood it.
meanwhile in ogakor, tina dreams of eating doritos. "ah'm just so hung-a-ry" she drawls. this is also the episode in which we learn of the old-women alliance between tina and maralyn. but will it last the stress of the immunity challenge? read on.
colby -- our soft-spoken hearthrob texan -- hits the scene, as the ogakor-designated muscle man. versus michael, the physical challenge this time is a test of balance, endurance, and strength, with the tribes engaging in an overly complicated race. ogakor wins (in sudden death, no less) the booty prize of a fishing kit.
let me take a moment to commend the editors of this show. the drama constantly astounds me. kudos to those men and women who take hours and hours of small talk and drudgery and turn it into an hour of television that has me positively glued to my sofa, hoping for another elisabeth glamor shot. these are not actors, they're regular people. but you could never tell.
i like the way the ogakor tribe is gelling, as a team. we'll see what happens once they realize that it's every survivor for him/her self. but are they really a team? read on.
jerri, our megabitch, strageizes her way into colby's pants. with night-vision lenses, the s2 camera operators capture her giving him a backrub in the tent at night. can you say soft-core porn? i wonder if fox is doing a crossover episode with temptation island. close-ups on her fingers pressing into his tanned, toned flesh. at any moment, i expect her talons to pop out and dig into him. jerri is not to be trusted, and i sincerely hope that colby figures that out.
and kucha tribe wins the immunity challenge! the old people were liabilities for both teams, however rodger pulled it together enough to best maralyn. this leaves ogakor with the dubious honor of voting off one of their members. the dilemma: now that they've seen keith cook those fish filets, do they still need him? did mad dog maralyn's age factor into them losing the challenge? has the team finally realized that jerri is satan incarnate?
by now you already know the outcome: mad dog gets voted off, which includes a bittersweet betrayal from tina. she doesn't seem too sweet and innocent now! to warm our hearts after such a cold extinguishing of her torch, mad dog closes the show with her final words, expressing gratitude for the experience. i wonder what letterman will say.
i knew it, jeff went bare-chested! i'm a genius. that fleece just wasn't working for him.
i fear that rodger's days may be numbered. despite his good attitude, he has messed up two reward challenges now, and i fear that the tribe is growing weary of him.
favorite quote of the evening: mike, slathered in camoflage warpaint, earnestly staring into the camera to explain why he needs to catch fish. "i'm a student of nutrition." drama queen, thy name is mike. i bet he hunts naked. (that war paint, btw, was his luxury item.) counterpoint: he caught some mighty tasty fish, who gives a hoot if he's having flashbacks from his past, those dramatic summers fishing in farmington hills. hey, it's not 'nam, but it's close.
but enough preamble, let's get to the heart of the matter: something evil is afoot at the ogakor camp, and i think that jerri is the ringleader. she gave two testimonials -- one on keith the chef and one on kel the army man -- in which she magically transforms into mecha-bitch, breathing fire at the inadequacies of keith's cooking and the secretive, guilty nature of kel's actions. kel, by the way, is the only member of ogakor who was doing any physical labor. petty people, the ogakor tribe.
i could have sworn that he and maralyn were in an alliance together. guess again! the vote against kel was unanimous. this is not an accident, people. i guarantee that the next ogakor that jerri sincerely hates will be the next ogakor to be voted off. maybe keith, but not definitely. the bitchy way of life knows no allies.
favorite quote of the evening: kel asserting that there are absolutely no fish in the nearby water, followed by a slow pan-down underwater to, you guessed it, fish, and lots of it! if fish could smirk, i think we would have seen it last night. turns out that it is jerri who is one smirking. fucking LA people.
i already enjoy the second season of survivor. the people are better-looking, and the backstabbing has started almost immediately. god bless america. this promises to be a fun adventure through the sweaty hot-body american psyche.
it was so fun to watch keith, the chef, stressing out about the lack of fire. "we need fire", he kept repeating. without fire, my one use in this camp vanishes, and i'll be dog meat! worse, i'll be uncooked dog meat!
what do you think, were those bug-infested figs planted by some s2 staffers? gotta be, that was just too good. but those castaways failed an early survival test: hey guys, why don't you try washing the bugs off and cutting out the rotten parts so you can eat the rest? oh well, that's easy for me to say from my comfy couch.
and oh, how i hate jeff. i wasn't surprised to see debb go, but i certainly hope that jeff comes soonafter. who brings a fleece pullover to the middle of the australian outback? if he makes it past next week, my fashion advice is for him to go bare-chested. his body is good enough, and those asian characters tattooed on his chest and lower back look kinda neat.
green-hat-wearing rodger is good. damn good. when jeff probst put him on the spot in the tribal council, he spoke eloquently and positively about his peers. interesting how he publically identified michael as the leader even after they had a major disagreement about the construction of the campsite. he teaches carpentry, for crying out loud! i think that rodger is a very subtle politician, playing the down-home i-just-want-to-be-a-useful-fellow card; but i bet he knows the score. i see a bit of rudy in him: a loyal alliance participant. luckily, he's less homophobic, which will (i'm sure) please the studio execs. my advice to rodger: don't think that your bible counts as an immunity idol. in season 1, bible-toting dirk got his ass thrown off the island in the third episode. on the other hand, dirk was lazy and didn't have any marketable skills.
and what the hell was elisabeth wearing on her head the night of the tribal council? i know that she's a shoe designer, but i heard that those things go on your feet.
hello everybody. this will be the site where i post my show-by-show commentary of the cbs show survivor2. analysis, yes. gossip, yes. lots of pictures, no. content, hopefully. cult-of-personality, gosh i hope so.